Last words and lost opportunities
by NightsTenor
Summary: Ginji wonders on second chances and last opportunities on Natsumi's wedding...is Ginji's world really falling apart or is there another way out? GinjiNatsumi...pls review!


**Last words and lost opportunities **

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters, as usual (sigh). I'm also poor…so don't sue.

_She_ was getting married. Mizuki Natsumi was finally getting married.

The young girl he had befriended or rather, the young girl who had befriended him, the girl he had adored, who grew up to become the woman he worshipped…she was getting married, and more importantly, to someone else.

And _he_ hadn't said a word. _Never_ had. That's when the whole problem began.

He knew he should have said something, anything, but the words never came out. The three simple words he wanted to tell her, the three simple words she had waited to hear, had wanted to hear. The three simple words that would have, that could have changed this.

But, now, it was too late, as always.

Amano Ginji looked out at the clear blue Japanese sky as he awaited the ride that would take him to the wedding. The ride was a little late, but then he never expected Ban to be on time. Add that to the fact that Himiko was well into the seventh month of her pregnancy and that Ban was a paranoid would-be-father, you got a late, a _very_ late ride, a madman driver, notorious for his reckless driving and a frazzled mother-to-be who was quite well known herself, for an earlier penchant for wanting to murder said madman.

Ginji often wondered if pregnancy multiplied such urges.

He chuckled a little as he let himself think back all those years ago, when Ban was an arrogant idiot who would rather survive on air than admit he was in love. And of, Himiko, equally stubborn to admit that she needed him. But in the end, it had worked out. After all the sudden twists and turns, the incessant bickering and denial, it had worked out. They had found each other. And they would make beautiful memories together. Unlike _some_ people.

The sudden change in thoughts had his smile fade and the usual light in his eyes dim. But recently it had been like this. It had been like this ever since she told them that, she was getting married.

He had mused on what memories he would have. Memories of _her_, to be more specific. He tried to remember them. He knew he had some really beautiful ones, embedded in his heart forever. Kodak moments, you could say. They weren't really momentous ones. Just the simple daily things that had become as special to him as the girl who made them. Like the way her hair used to glimmer when it caught the sun, or her smile when her eyes happened to spot him. Just little things like that.

He had those memories to last him a lifetime. He had never questioned if they would be enough. He had always guessed, that if they weren't, then he'd make some more, that _they'd_ make some more…he had always expected her to stay.

Now, she was gone, and it seemed, so were the memories. All that he seemed to be left with was a deep ache in his heart, a sign of lost opportunities and a torrent of words rushing up to the surface, words he had never said, but had always wanted to. Words he would say now, but knew he had no right to.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Everything was perfect. The wedding was beautiful, the bride was beautiful, and the words of congratulations and well wishing were beautiful. Heck…even the sound of hearing his heartbreak, in tune with the music was beautiful. Ok! So he was loosing it. But it was understandable right?

He looked over to catch Ban looking at him in concern. The expression on the faces his others friends, mirrored it. He smiled, he knew they were worried. They had actually expected him not to turn up. He knew he shouldn't have. The ache in his heart was getting a little too much to bear. But then, he couldn't say no to her, not when she _herself_ had asked him. He could never deny her anything, only himself.

They had been friends first, way before the other feelings had sprung up. And they were still friends now. He had been called to the wedding as a friend, he had come as a friend and he would go away as one. He owed her that. After everything _not_ being said and done, he owed her his presence at her wedding, her special day. Ironic how a day so special, marked the beginning of a chapter in the life of one person and an end in that of another.

His heart clenched at the thought. _Gotta get used to that_, he decided.

He looked over to see the newly wedded bride and groom coming over to thank each of the guests for their presence. The next table was his. _Would she come to thank him too…?_ Thank him for turning up at her wedding; thank the man she loved? _The man she **had** loved_, he corrected himself quickly. Natsumi _had_ loved him. A lot. A long time ago.

When he had found out about her wedding, he had wanted to scream in frustration. He had been half afraid he would transform into the Thunder-Emperor. But, he had not. Instead he took to calling himself a fool, a fool who let a wonderful woman go. But, deep down inside, he knew that, that wasn't true. He hadn't let her go. How could he, when he never accepted what she had to offer in the first place? He had denied himself that, calling himself unworthy of such an angel. He had never ever told her, really told her, what she had meant to him. He had refused to take that chance, telling himself repeatedly that, he was doing this for her, that he could never promise her a future, not when he never had one to call his own. The truth was, he had been doing it for himself. For the first time in his life, Amano Ginji had been selfish. Selfish because he believed that he did not have a future and he could not have either of them walk away clutching just a little part of what they truly wished to have. Have, as in plural…as in, together.

So, he never gave her any reason to hope. Never asked her to wait while he came out of the rain. In short…he never gave them a chance.

It would be unfair to her, if it were said she hadn't waited. She had, her eyes pleading him, beseeching, to give her, them, a chance…or at least a sign. They had known, all his friends…and in some ways, they had pleaded too…begging him to take the second chance at life. He had stubbornly refused. All his friends had taken that chance, made a promise and returned to keep it. Shido and Madoka, Kazuki and Ren, Ban and Himiko, all of them. They all came back, safe and sound. He had returned as well, but lost chances were lost chances.

He never understood then, that it was her choice to make, whether to stay or not. That his decision was not merely linked to his future but hers as well. Driven then, by a deep sense of duty and a bizarre loyalty to his past, he had staved of anything she had wanted to tell him. In fact, had down right refused to listen. _If there was something_, he had told himself, _it could be said later_.

And it was said later. Said that she was moving on, was getting married. That she…

The pleasant rustle of silk and the sound of quite footfalls ended his train of thoughts. He looked up to see, Natsumi and her new husband standing before him, beaming.

"Gin-chan, it is wonderful that you made it. Thank you so very much" Natsumi's voice had lost its former childish exuberance, experience and patience tempering it to a soft lilt, ever so pleasant to the ears.

Ginji smiled. It was the appropriate thing to do. "Anything for you, Natsumi." he replied. He looked over at the other man, the man by her side. The man who would stay by her side forever. Her husband. He fought with his self control as jealousy threatened to consume him. Natsumi would not be happy if he electrocuted her husband, especially before they had a chance to begin their life together. A chance that _had_ been his. He settled for silently grounding his teeth.

Kazuma Ryoko. That was what his name was. He was handsome, with light brown hair and twinkling eyes of the same colour. It irked him to say this, but Natsumi and the idiot did look good together. And he obviously made her happy; her lovely smile and sparkly eyes were proof of that. And Natsumi would make the idiot happy. But then, Natsumi made all people who came to know her, happy. They loved each other, these two. Natsumi _loved_ this idiot. _Of course…why else_ would she marry him? Natsumi never did anything with half a heart. Never gave anything with half a heart. It was always done in full, given in full. And she never accepted anything less, either.

Suddenly, a sound from somewhere within the hall called out to the groom. So, Ryoko left, with a brief, firm handshake and an apologetic smile. But, not before he had given his beautiful wife a swift, nonetheless, passionate kiss. A kiss that left Natsumi blushing and Ginji see red.

_Bastard…_his mind ground out. The smile on his face continued to remain, albeit a little strained. His mind started playing various scenarios, crazy scenarios as to how he could make Natsumi his, once again. Like killing Kazuma Ryoko, for instance.

"Gin-chan…" Natsumi's voice shook him out of his reverie. This time her voice never smiled, merely her face did.

"Natsumi?" her name was a question on his lips. He had inkling she was about answer some unasked question of his.

"Thank you for coming. I mean…_really_ thank you. It means a lot to me to have all of you turn up. My oldest, my best friends."

" I would have, Natsumi…you know I would have", he told her softly. _Even if it means watching my heart break all over again_, he added silently to himself.

" I know…" her words trailed off, leaving an awkward silence between the two people.

Perhaps it was because he had a little too much sake at the wedding or perhaps it was because he was loosing his head and it was breaking his heart, but suddenly Ginji had the urge to say those three little words to her, the three little words he had denied them both. Not because he expected her to throw herself at him and declare her undying love, but because he wanted to, because as late as it was, as much as he knew that she had moved on, he suddenly realized, he owed her that. _Had_ owed her that all along.

True, this was never how he had imagined himself saying those three little words to her. In his mind, he would always be on his knees; softly pouring his heart out and she would be standing next to him, her love for him shining in her eyes, mouthing those words back at him. Then they would passionately embrace, amid catcalls and whistles from old friends. Embrace and look into each other's eyes while they awaited their future together. But not like this, never like this; with him half –drunk on sake and drowning in misery and jealousy and her, with her future bound to another who she loved. _Who_, more importantly, was not him.

But, nonetheless, tell he would.

"Natsumi…" he began, nervous. He did not know how to say this. He had never said these words to another. " Natsumi…I have something to tell you, something I'm not sure you want to hear, but something I must tell you now."

Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes as he said, " Natsumi, I love you…I always have and I still do."

He looked down at her beautiful face, expecting tears, shock, something anything. All he got was the look of calm acceptance and …relief? He blinked.

After what seemed like an eternity, Natsumi spoke, her voice soft and serene.

" I know, Ginji. I have always known."

Disbelief flashed across his face. That was it! That was how she was going to acknowledge his heartfelt admission?

He managed to choke out… " You do? You knew it all along…." His voice trailed as anger got the better of him. She had known all along and had done nothing about it? He conveniently forgot about the times when she had tried to talk to him, tell him, in both words and actions, the many things that now remained unsaid.

Sensing his anger, Natsumi quietly reached up, to place a soft, small hand on his cheek. That act alone calmed him. It always had. Her voice held an old affection, when she replied, " I know what you are thinking, Gin-chan. You are wondering why I never told you. It is true, I knew. But that wasn't enough…you had to know it too. And _I_ wanted _you_ to tell me. I tried to make you understand. But...but, you never seemed to want to, well, listen. I tried, I…" her voice trailed off.

Yes, he knew. He understood it now. Kazuki had tried once, to tell Ginji, the importance of expressing ones feelings in words. Because, just like spoken words could not be taken back, unspoken ones could not be uttered. Not after a while. Everything had a time limit. Even words. He only wished he had listened sooner.

Now with the feelings of loss encompassing him, the only thing he could do was to try and hold back the howl wanting to burst inside of him, in a futile effort at gallantry and dignity. He could not speak; anything he could say would only be half-said. So, he settled for holding her raised hand close and tight to his cheek. A desperate action, one where he tried to engrain her handprint on his cheek as he had engrained her memories in his heart.

The quite moment was broken by a yet another shout from across the hall, this time for the bride. It was time to leave.

Natsumi looked up at the eyes of the man she had once loved and gave him a dazzling smile. The smile that had been reserved only for him, because no one, not even dear Ryoko, could make her smile like that.

It _was_ time to leave, and while it seemed that, there were no more things to be said, Natsumi knew better. There was one more confession to make. Hers.

The hand that cupped Ginji's cheek, softly slid away as Natsumi straightened herself.

" Gin-chan, I have something to say too…"

"Ehh…" his response was unintelligible. His cheek was missing the warmth of her soft, slender fingers and getting colder by the second. It seemed like the weather on the outside was mimicking his feelings on the inside.

Her voice was soft but clear and strong; as if she never wanted either of them to doubt what she was about to say. Or forget either.

" I _always_ loved you best. _Always_."

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I don't know why I wrote this…it's really sad, but what do you expect! I just finished watching **_Titanic_**, that too, three times over.

I don't intend to leave it as a one-shot…there will be more chapters, and _no_, it's not a tragedy…and _yes_, it is a Ginji/Natsumi. _How so_, you ask? Well you'll just have to stick around for that, wont ya?

So…like it? Love it? Hate it? (Cringes at the last bit). Let me know anyway! Review,review,review….please!


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